Hurt
by one of the better ones
Summary: When the love of Nathan's life dies, how does he deal? Oneshot songfic. RN. Warning:character death obviously!


WARNING: Character death

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**Seems like it was yesterday**

**When I saw your face**

**You told me how proud you were,**

**But I walked away**

**If only I knew what I know today**

**Ooh, ooh**

"Nathan, come out." He heard a voice call on the other side of the door. Lucas. "Nathan, you haven't left the room in a week. Come out. We're all worried about you. Please, just show us you're ok." Lucas continued.

He wasn't ok. Nathan would never be ok again. Not now. Now that the love of his life had died. He put the picture that he was holding down on the bed and walked over to his bedroom door, unlocking and opening it. Lucas was shocked when he opened the door. He didn't look like the Nathan he used to be. Or even the Nathan he was a week ago. He looked like a broken man. His eyes were red and puffy as if he had been crying, which he had been. Nathan almost never cried, but for the last two weeks, that's all he had done. "Nate, no one has seen you since the funeral. How are you holding up?" Lucas asked carefully.

"How do you expect me to be Luke? She's gone. I'll never see her again." Nathan said, choking on his words. He missed her more than he ever knew it was possible to miss someone. And right before the accident, they had had a fight. And now he couldn't take it back.

Lucas sighed. He didn't know what to do. Sure, he comforted Brooke. She was pretty torn up about it. But whenever she called saying she needed her boyfriend he was there. The others in the group seemed a little upset, but not half as bad as Nathan and Brooke. After all, she was Brooke's best friend. And Nathan's girlfriend. He sat down on next to Nathan, but stood up when he felt something under him. It was a picture frame. With a picture of Rachel in it. She was smiling, maybe even laughing? And judging by the background, Lucas knew exactly when it was taken.

"_Ok, everyone get your asses out of the house!" Rachel yelled to the group of people in her living room at her house in Italy._

"_Why?" Haley complained. "I mean, it's too hot out to do anything. And you have air conditioning." She pointed out._

_Rachel smirked at Nathan. "Yes, but it's my house. And this was originally supposed to be a trip just for me and Nathan. This is a small house, and sound travels. And I want to have sex with my boyfriend without everyone here hearing us. So get out." To that, everyone but Nathan and Rachel either rolled their eyes or groaned. _

"_I'm not leaving." Brooke insisted. "And I'm not listening to the two of you either. In fact, I'm not leaving your side, friend." She said smiling, walking to Rachel's side. _

_Rachel looked up at Nathan who was on the other side of her. She had those puppy dog eyes that she knew he couldn't say no to. "Nathan, help me. She won't leave my side." Then Nathan picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, carrying her out of the room. "HA!" She called to Brooke as Nathan carried her outside._

"_Oh no, you bitch!" Brooke called running outside after them. She was going to do something to get back at them for leaving the room, but when she went out saw that Nathan was tickling Rachel so much she could hardly breathe. Brooke was in charge of the camera, taking pictures of the trip and such, and found that this was a cute moment._

_Nathan saw the flash, and ran for Brooke this time. "You know I hate getting my picture taken!" He yelled playfully at her, and managed to get the camera away._

"_Hey, that's my job!" Brooke yelled and lunged for him. At this point Rachel had managed to catch her breath, then start laughing again at the scene in front of her. _

"_You think this is funny?" Nathan asked, and snapped a picture of her. _

_Rachel laughed again. "Oh, you think taking a picture of me will hurt me? No, I love being on camera. But, you already know that." She told him, causing him to blush. It was one thing for them to make comments about it, but in front of Brooke? Rachel took the opportunity to grab the camera and toss it to Brooke. "There ya go Brookie." She said with a smile, wrapping her arms around Nathan. She leaned towards his ear and whispered "So, what do you think of not giving a shit what people hear?" Nathan liked that and led her inside to the bedroom, where they stayed until about noon the next day._

Even Lucas got a little teary thinking about that vacation. It had been amazing. And it was all thanks to Rachel. Rachel had even gotten him and Brooke back together. "I miss her too, Nate. And think about it, she was the one who got me and Brooke back together. She's the reason Brooke forgave me for kissing Peyton again. If it wasn't for Rachel, we would probably all be miserable right now."

"But you're not." Nathan said angrily. "YOU'RE not miserable, I AM! She wasn't your girlfriend Luke! She was mine! You still have your girlfriend! Now get out! I don't need you here!" He yelled at his older brother. Honestly, all he had done since the accident was sit there and mope.

**I would hold you in my arms**

**I would take the pain away**

**Thank you for all you've done**

**Forgive all your mistakes**

**There's nothing I wouldn't do**

**To hear your voice again**

**Sometimes I wanna call you**

**But I know you won't be there**

When Lucas left Nathan was alone with his thoughts again. And of course they were all about Rachel. He looked over to his dresser. Their dresser. Rachel basically lived there. And there, right on top of the dresser, was Rachel's jewelry. All of it. Everything but 2 pieces of jewelry. Two that Rachel never took off. Nathan had given her both of those pieces of jewelry. A locket and a ring. She was buried with them on, and he was glad about that. She only took them off if she was going to shower. She was afraid that the water would ruin the picture inside of her locket. The picture of them. He just wanted her back, in his arms. That was where she belonged. Not angry over some stupid little fight.

"_Why can't we just tell everyone Rachel?!" He yelled at her. He hated keeping secrets, especially from his close friends._

"_I don't want anyone to know Nathan! I'm not ready for anyone to know!" She yelled back at him. "And honestly, I wish I didn't even know about this!"_

_Nathan felt bad. He knew that the way he was making Rachel feel was wrong, but why was she being so stubborn? "Rach, just tell them! I want them to know! Don't I get a say in this?!" he demanded._

_Rachel felt offended by this. "No, no you don't Nathan! This has nothing to do with you! Its my life! It affects me!" She screamed, turning to leave._

"_It affects me too, drama queen!" He yelled after her. Maybe he was being harsh, but she was getting to him. Why couldn't she just understand? He needed to tell his brother at least. He told his brother everything._

"_Fuck you Nathan, fuck you!" She screamed, running out the door of the bedroom. She ran down the stairs and outside. Blame the rain that was pouring, she didn't hear the car approaching. She could hardly see anything her eyes were so clouded with tears. She was running across the street, so she could take the shortcut to Brooke's house. She never expected it. Neither did Nathan, who was still upstairs in his room when he heard it. A crash, and a scream. A girly scream. Rachel's scream._

**Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you**

**For everything I just couldn't do**

**And I've hurt myself by hurting you**

"Rach." He said quietly to the picture. "I'm so sorry baby. I miss you so much." Almost as soon as he said that, he heard someone at the door to his room again.

"Nate?" The voice was familiar, and it used to haunt him. The voice of the man Rachel used to be with.

"Get out Cooper. Don't even say anything." He spat. Cooper only came around when something was seriously wrong. During crisis's, Cooper showed up. When everything was going good, where was he? No where to be found. "You don't come until something drastic like this happens, and I don't wanna hear anything."

Cooper was shocked. He was hurt that Rachel had died, and even more hurt that Nathan wouldn't listen to him. "I'm sorry Nate. For everything. For not being here, for hurting Rachel, for you losing Rachel. But, you need to come with me." He explained quietly.

"I'm not going anywhere." Nathan growled. He hadn't left the house, or his room, since Rachel's funeral. He wanted to stay in this room, Rachel and his room.

Cooper took a deep breath. "It's the trial." He told Nathan. Nathan must have known what he meant. It was the trial for Chelsea, the girl who had hit and killed Rachel. And Nathan wouldn't miss this for the world.

"Give me three minutes to get ready." Nathan said, going to his closet, choosing clean clothes.

**Some days I feel broke inside**

**But I won't admit**

**Sometimes I just wanna hide**

**'Cause it's you I miss**

**And it's so hard to say goodbye**

**When it comes to this, ooh**

"Plea bargain you said? One year of community service, and temporary loss of license." The judge said. This angered Nathan. What kind of a punishment was that?

"OBJECTION!" Nathan yelled standing up.

"Young man, I don't know who you are, but you can't-" The judge started, but was cut off by Nathan.

"I'll tell you who I am. I am the boyfriend of Rachel Gatina, the girl that she killed! I'm the father of Rachel's unborn child! The one that died when she did!" When he said that he heard gasps. But it was true. Rachel was three months pregnant. That's what they had been arguing about.

"She didn't want anyone to know, but ask her doctors! She was three months pregnant! Not only did that girl kill the only person I ever loved, she killed my child too! Is that a fair punishment? For killing a teenage girl and an unborn baby, and leaving me with nothing?!"

The next thing he knew there was a security guard next to him. "Sir, you need to calm down and leave the premises or we will escort you."

Nathan left and just sat in his car for a few minutes, feeling crushed. He needed Rachel. He needed to hold her, to kiss her, to make love to her. Or just, to tell her that he loves her. In person. He turned on the radio, only to hear a song that would bring him to tears. Brighter Than Sunshine started, and he instantly turned off the radio, bursting into tears. That was their song. He was only now realizing just how much he would truly miss her. He couldn't even listen to a stupid song without bursting into tears. He knew what he had to do.

**Would you tell me I was wrong?**

**Would you help me understand?**

**Are you looking down upon me?**

**Are you proud of who I am?**

**There's nothing I wouldn't do**

**To have just one more chance**

**To look into your eyes**

**And see you looking back**

"Rachel." He said quietly, tears in his eyes, looking down at her grave. "Rachel, I miss you so much." He said with the tears running down his face. "You know I don't normally cry babe, but since you left, I've barely stopped crying." He took a deep breath and looked at the writing on her headstone. 'Rachel Gatina. Beloved daughter and friend.' "Rach, why? Why couldn't we tell anyone? The inscription could have been honest then. It should say 'Rachel Gatina Scott, Beloved daughter, friend, wife, and mother.'" He managed to choke back the tears. "They could probably tell babe. The ring you always wore, it was a dead giveaway. Then the baby…those clothes you wore Rach. Brooke noticed, you know she did. I heard the little comments she made about you gaining weight." It was true, right before the accident Brooke made a lot of comments here or there about Rachel's weight gain. About how she hadn't been showing enough skin. "And then the drinking. God, that was obvious Rach." He said with a small laugh. "Everyone noticed that. Don't hate me, but I kinda told them you had a drinking problem and you were quitting cold turkey. They all understood, and that worked. But if you combine everything together, it was pretty obvious."

**I'm sorry for blaming you**

**For everything I just couldn't do**

**And I've hurt myself..**

**By hurting you**

Nathan took one more deep breath. "I love you so much Rachel. I miss you so much. You were, no, you are and always will be my everything. I don't think I'll ever be able to love anyone else." He had more to say, but heard footsteps behind him. He turned around to see a crying girl. A crying Brooke.

"She was pregnant?" Brooke asked, and was answered with a nod. "I'm sorry Nate. I'm so sorry." She had no idea what it was like to lose the love of your life, and a child. "I heard what you said to her Nate. You two got married?"

Nathan slowly nodded. "About two weeks ago we eloped. We wanted the baby to have married parents." He said quietly.

Since she had no idea what to do Brooke just smiled. "Congratulations." And then the smile faded realizing that he would never see his wife again. "I came here to give you some news. Chelsea, the one who hit her, got five years in jail. I know its not as good as we'd hoped for, but it's better than she had. They took the baby into account for that."

"You hear that babe?" Nathan asked the headstone. "Five years." He smiled slightly, then turned back to Brooke. "I'm sorry Brooke, but could you just give us some time alone?"

Brooke knew that this was the first time Nathan had been here, or even left the house, since the funeral. "If you need anything just call. I'm here for you Nate, and so is Luke." With that said she turned and left, walking back to her car.

Nathan laid down on the ground next to the headstone. "Rach, I miss you so much. I can't even think that you won't be here with me every day. That I'll never get the chance to see our child. I'll always love you Rachel. No matter what happens, from this moment on, whenever anyone asks I'm telling them that you're my wife. Not that you were my girlfriend, or were my wife, but that you are my wife. And you always will be." Suddenly a warm breeze came, blowing through his hair. He could smell Rachel's smell, a combination of vanilla and lavender. And maybe it was his imagination, but he could have sworn he heard Rachel's voice saying "I love you."

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A/N: Ok, so here's my first one-shot. I kinda got writer's block on Better Than Me. So R&R. And if anyone wants to give me advice for Better Than Me, it's more than welcome!


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